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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

About the new Star Trek film :-)

About the new Star Trek film ...

The new Trek movie was fun, but basically a typical Hollywood all-action, no-brains-required movie.

Ok, I'll start by saying that I won't complain about violations of Trek canon. This is a reboot, regardless of what the writers have said.

I can reluctantly accept incredible coincidences such as Kirk's pod landing close to where Spock was. I am even willing to accept (with various levels of disgust) the movie's use of artistic license to ignore reality just to make scenes "look cool". For instance:

* building the Enterprise on Earth (in the US Midwest?!) rather than in orbit, just to get a cool shot of Kirk racing his bike next to it
* a supernova that can "threaten to destroy the galaxy" (Spock said that) and can also apparently travel faster than light ... just a McGuffin to create a plot
* kid Kirk jumped out of a car moving at high speed. Not only he survived without a scratch, he was also able to STOP right at the edge of the cliff. Where did his momentum go? Oh, right, again, the scene looks cool.
* the nonsensical design of the "mining" ship, imitating B5's Shadows... just to make it look "evil" and "mean"
* Vulcans teaching their kids using HUMAN calculus and chemistry notations in the display screens ...
* both Kirk and Spock boarded Nero's ship, leaving the Enterprise effectively without a formally-appointed commanding officer... because it's cool to have the two main characters FIGHTING the bad guys hand-to-hand in the climatic scene rather than SITTING in the Apple-store-like bridge.
* Sulu's BS that the "magnetic field" from Saturn's rings would keep Nero from detecting the Enterprise (the RINGS of Saturn have NO magnetic field)... just to get a cool shot of the Enterprise next to Saturn.

It's a lot harder to accept crass stupidity, lack of internal logic, plot holes you can drive a mining starship through, or facts / decisions / actions that make absolutely no sense.

For instance:

1. Spock was able to shoot a droplet of red matter NEXT to a SUPERNOVA, and the red matter created a black hole able to consume a supernova... Ok, then why did Nero have to DRILL a hole into Vulcan (or Earth) in order to consume them with a black hole? Why didn't he just shoot or beam a canister of red matter NEXT to the planet and create the black hole right there?

2. how come a MINING ship has torpedoes and weaponry capable of destroying whole fleets of military starships and entire planets? Just saying the mining ship was from 129 years in the future is not enough. I'm pretty sure most 21st century non-military ships would not be able to destroy a fleet of late 19th century ironclad battleships.

3. What the hell did Nero and his romulans do during the 25 YEARS they WAITED for Spock's ship to arrive? How did they get fuel, supplies, spare parts? Are Romulan mining ships equipped to operate with absolutely no support for 25 years?

4. According to the movie, Vulcan had SIX BILLION inhabitants. The platform was defended by a grand total of TWO romulan miners with hand weapons, who sucked so badly that they were defeated by TWO badly-armed HUMAN KIDS (Kirk lost his handgun in the first few seconds of the fight, Sulu had a sword). How come the Vulcans were unwilling / unable send ANYONE to the platform? Why didn't the Vulcans send a SINGLE spacecraft, aircraft, remote-controlled drone, missile, soldier, policeman, boy scout, kamikaze, or volunteer citizen to the platform? How come NO ONE from Vulcan tried to take out a badly defended platform about to destroy their whole world?!? Did BILLIONS of Vulcans just hide in caves while allowing a handful of Romulans to commit genocide? Maybe they deserved to be wiped out ...

5. Ranks in this movie are a horrible mess: How can Starfleet possibly promote Kirk, a CADET who has not even graduated from the Academy yet, to FULL CAPTAIN and on top of that give him command of not just a capital ship but of Starfleet's FLAGSHIP, after just ONE successful mission? No military organization can function like that. Pike field promoted Kirk to First Officer, which is a position, NOT a rank. If Pike had given Kirk a field commission to the rank of Commander, then Starfleet's decision to promote him to Captain would be a bit more credible.

6. Pike sends THREE guys (why ONLY three? Does the Enterprise have only 3 space-jump suits?) to take out the mining platform in Vulcan, but only gives explosives charges to ONE of them. NOT really bright. Of course, the guy with the charges is the one that gets toasted. He was a red shirt, after all.

7. Since Scotty can indeed beam someone -or something- into a ship light years away AND flying at warp, then he can also beam photon torpedoes (or one of the warp core thingies they jettisoned at the end) INTO Nero's ship and destroy it from light years away. Why risk a boarding party? Oh, right, they had to go and save Pike, because for some reason they thought he was still alive. Also, if this type of transporter technology is possible in the future (old Spock's time), then WHY have STARSHIPS at all? Why not just beam people and things from one world to another instantly, and build mid-way relay stations along the way?

8. Why was Nero's ship able to TRAVEL through a black hole UNHARMED the first time around, but got DESTROYED by a similar black hole at the end of the movie?

9. when Nero realized he had arrived over 100 years in the PAST, why didn't he just go to ROMULUS, WARN THEM about the supernova with plenty of time; give them his ship, Spock's ship, the red matter, and all their future technology and weaponry; and all the information and intelligence he had about future events? That way he would PREVENT Romulus' destruction HIMSELF, and also help Romulus become the predominant superpower in the Galaxy. Then, if he still wanted to destroy Vulcan or Earth or the Klingons, instead of a single mining ship he would have available whole Romulan fleets equipped with futuristic weapons and even dozens of mining ships/planet killers.

It's really hard to take seriously a main villian who is so immensely stupid. I kept thinking "Shinzon" from the horrendous Star Trek Nemesis...

The best way to enjoy this type of movie is to focus on the action & the cool special effects, and leave your brain at home.

1 comment:

Ramón López said...

Me reí como loco con esto. Eres mucho mejor que yo en esto de nit-picking...